The most important lesson I've learned in Bermuda goes like this: make meaningful relationships. Fall in love. Be brought to tears at the idea of losing the bonds you have formed.
How about a concrete example to drive the point home? At the beginning of April, I was told that Deloitte were not going to offer me a manager position. The news devastated me. I was certain that my labors over the past 19 months were well crafted to culminate in a promotion. Once news of my pending departure spread to friends, the result was baffling. I received phone calls from friends looking to express their surprise and disappointment. Their support was completely unexpected, and it warmed my heart. Friends arranged sailing afternoons and going away dinners. Kind messages trickled in from relatively unknown coworkers, challenging clients, and friends alike. Despite all of this I was still shattered to be passed over for a promotion and to be moving home. (Because I firmly believed there was a very specific purpose in a promotion, but that is another post for another time.) There were a number of days where it was hard even looking my best friend Jimmy in the face. The idea of losing all these relationships was too much. Remember, make meaningful relationships.
Then something magical happened. A couple of those friends that contacted me also contacted some of their friends. One friend called his friend who works in HR at a local firm and found a job that fit exactly what I was looking for. That afternoon I received an ad for a job that had not yet hit the papers. Then another friend emailed her HR partner at PWC and put my name forward for one of their manager openings. It took three interviews with PWC and an alignment of the stars, but now I could not be more happy to be starting as a Manager at PWC in a couple days! Now heres the interesting part - I never asked anyone to look for jobs for me. I never once even hinted at it. The reality is that I have meaningful friends. They went out of their way, put their reputation on the line, and spoke up for me. These friends did something for me that I could never have done on my own. I'm in a debt to my friends that I cannot repay. Those are meaningful friends. How powerful is that?!
Now is where I start to ramble. There are realities to meaningful relationships that are hard, and I want to touch on a few.
1. You will make mistakes. I've messed up at least one very meaningful relationship in Bermuda. This specific relationship made me fall in love with the island. This relationship challenged me to ask tough questions of myself that led to growth. Despite mending efforts, I know that relationship will never be what it once was, and that's just strange to consider.
2. You will be let down. Basically just the converse of number 1. You can do everything right, but still be let down by others when you need them most.
3. Relying on others is very, very, very hard. I like to think I'm amazing and that I can do anything. I often get involved in too many things, because I think I'm an expert in everything. No one is an expert at everything, and my pride struggles to accept that. The great thing is that other people are great at things that I suck at. Often times, the best thing to do is for me to get out of my own way and let others help. If I get out of my own way, things usually turn out better than if I try to run the show. This truth makes the pain of numbers 1 and 2 tolerable.
4. This is biblical. Go read Paul's letters, among other things. The church sucks at having meaningful relationships just as bad as the rest of the world. This is despite the fact that our scriptures spell out certain ageless truths that we insist on learning through our own mistakes.
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