Profile of the Lukewarm

Have you read the book Crazy Love? Well, why not? Everyone's doing it. My sister had the book at the beach this last week and I read a good bit of it. Gotta stay up with the trends. Anyway, either the third or fourth chapter is a series of personality descriptions, all supported by scripture, of a lukewarm christian. After reading through the chapter I was pretty discouraged because I what I read was description after description of my life. Both the thoughts currently swimming around my brain as well as my daily happenings seem perfectly lukewarm. Awesome.

The chapter really has left me low, because I feel like I have been living as God instructs me to. (more on that below) It's hard to wrap my head around the thought that, while I may be moving in the right direction, I have miles to go.

Over the last couple of months I have encountered some challenges. To all these challenges the word I have received is I must wait on the Lord. Challenge one is work. The job isn't the most fun, but God has confirmed to me during prayer that I am in the right place. So I'll wait. Challenge two is loneliness. A new lady relationship sprang to life and then disappeared just as quickly. Looks like I'll be single for a while. So I'll wait. To that add the death of my car 1.5 months ago. After trips to four dealerships and countless internet searches, I'm still waiting.

I don't know what will result from all this waiting. It may simply be something that builds character, which I'm sure I could use. I like to think that maybe it is leading to something beautiful, that maybe at the end of this long road is unimaginable earthly joy. My mind likes to work like that of Mary Oliver who wrote that, "the hour of fulfillment is buried in years of patience." Or could it be that life is all about patient restraint and obedience, hoping only for the joy that death can bring? My faith is still so immature that the earthly joy is more attractive right now that waiting to die. Let's pray God can straighten out my thoughts.

All of the waiting has been frustrating, but it has driven me to know God more. Instead of defaulting to anger or indifference, I turned to God and prayer and friends. My relationships have become fuller. I feel as though I trust God more. His comfort is real, and I hear him speaking. I experience all emotions fully now. Tears of joy and sadness are my friend, and I'm quite alright with it.

God, continue to work. Forgive my countless faults. Give me strength to pursue you when all I can see is the gap between us. Take the frustration. Use it to draw me closer. Amen.