friday night

its friday night on the second work week of january and im laying in bed round 9.  my mind tells me i should be stressed with work or that i should feel alone on the night that everyone goes out in bermuda, but i dont feel any of those things.  despite how tired i am, im wide awake.  im eager and expectant.  in my ears is sigur ros.  in my hands is a cup of tea.  my mind is buzzing with the simple idea that im finding myself again.

i came home tonight around 7 after some drinks with friends, not quite sure how to fill the night. i tried tv, but turned it off quickly.  i went to the internet, but also quickly bored of that.  i read a chapter in a book, only to put it down.  everything is pulling me to simple meditation tonight, and i feel so refreshed by it.  the thought that keeps running through my mind is that i need to know God.  right now there is this little tiny desire for Him that i feel growing.  i said some simple prayers, like God please be more important and please influence my future - easy requests that may have big implications.  letting God in could seriously shake things up, but even being open to that brings so much excitement.  it gives me the kind of giddy feeling for my faith that has lacked for years.  it tells me that my life will actually matter and gives me a much greater sense of purpose.  what a great night.