I start my mornings every day by going through the daily scripture readings from the book of common prayer. Its a habit that started when I started my job, and its something I need before I ever start the day.
Reading the verses has been getting harder for me recently. For the first time, and who knows why it has taken so long, I am beginning to realize my complete depravity. The gospel readings right now are from Matthew, and Jesus' teaching in the book provide me with more challenges than I know how to handle. If I consider my actions in light of the instructions of Jesus in Matthew, I am embarrassed. He says a tree is judged by its fruit. So, how's my fruit? Undeveloped and likely tart, not ready to quench hunger.
Troubling is that I know I need to change habits for fullness of life, but I continue on in moderate happiness. It really is time to grow up - to be ripened. I live in habits that bring my descent happiness but prevent joy and communion as God intended. Jesus, I want to genuinely know you, to know you as the mediator between God and man. The longing in my heart is getting more real each day. Shape my actions to match thoughts. Make me a man that hears your call and obeys.
Go read Psalm 26. God, I want to be able to pray this and know I mean it.
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